✴ 12/29/2024 - Personal reflections on 2024
What a year! Like every revolution around the sun, it went too quickly. But y’know? It was a good year for me, and I think I want to ramble about it for a minute.
Yeah, the election sucked, but I haven’t been going all doomsday about like a lot of my friends have been. Do I think Trump is gonna be a good president? Nope. But I don’t think it’s the end of the world, and it’s out of my control anyway. Now, that is quite enough politics for me. What about the good stuff this year?
Personally, this has been a sort of ‘year of creation’ for me. I made a youtube channel that was doing pretty well, and though I ultimately decided it wasn’t for me, I had fun with it, and it helped me become more comfortable with putting myself and my art on the internet. I wrote a whole load of poetry too, and did some consistent journaling, and I started putting out some music that seems to be enjoyed by some people. I’ve really dropped off with sketching and visual art, but I’m satisfied with what I’ve been doing.
On top of making a ton of art, I’ve started collecting some physical media as well, and generally just trying to take control of the things I consume. I am, for the first time in like 5 years, not currently maintaining any subscription!! That includes Spotify, for the first time in a literal decade - I have been buying my music and saving all my mp3s, as well as buying a good bunch of cassettes. It’s allowed me to really explore musically, and it feels good directly supporting the artists I like.
I also got an original xbox and have been collecting some games for that as well, which is fun! I genuinely have not had much time at all to play it, and my video game usage has tapered off a lot this year in general. It’s kind of annoying, as there are still a lot of games I’d like to get to, but I recognize that there are more important things taking up my time right now. Maybe that’s a sign that my frontal lobe is finally done cooking.
Those things taking up my time have chiefly been friends/irl activities, and school. It’s weird, I feel like I’m going through the college “experience” all over again, except I’m not a shut-in this time. I have not done nearly as much irl stuff as I would like to, but it’s a good start, I think. I went paintballing with some girlfriends, attended several local punk concerts (need me some metal, next), went to a crazy party (genuinely I’ve never been offered coke before now and no I didn’t want to do it lol), and I’ve just generally hung out with friends more.
School has been pretty nice too; it forces me out on a regular schedule, and it’s actually challenging and rewarding. Bookwork is fine and all, but being able to see improvement when welding is super cool. Plus I can listen to music while I practice?? When did school become so cool?
Something else that I think really positively impacted me this year was the fact that I got back into reading. I think I read around ~12 books this year? Something like that, mostly all in the spring and summer. It’s fueled my own writing and imagination, and has helped me re-learn how to slow down a bit. I genuinely think that getting back into reading has helped me limit my internet usage as well. I don’t mind if I’m exploring forums or chatting with friends, but I pretty much deleted all my social media - including Reddit, finally - and dear reader, my god. My mind feels so much more quiet now. I am not constantly running around with aggressive news headlines bouncing around my brain. I’m not seeing dumb fucking takes from possible 12-year-olds on the regular whenever I wake up. It’s been… peaceful, and has boosted my productivity a lot.
That peace of mind has been helpful for personal introspection as well, I think. For a few years now I’ve found that I’ve felt very confused about my sexuality, which isn’t fun. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and journaling and I think I’m beginning to have a better understanding of myself, though I expect it will take time. Another area of introspection has been that of how I carry myself in the world. I used to view everything through the lens of fear and self-hatred, bowing to the will of everyone around me. I’ve found that I’ve embraced authenticity a lot this year; I’ve learned to say “no” even when I’m tempted to people-please, I’ve learned that I don’t have to put on a smile and a cheerful temperament with every person I talk to, that it’s ok to not put the burden of making someone else happy on yourself. I’ve learned that sometimes, even those closest to you don’t know you like you know yourself, and you shouldn’t just blindly listen to their advice, but carefully consider it.
It has genuinely been a full, blessed year for me. For the first time since I moved out from my family home, I feel like I’ve had a year of personal growth, (mostly) smart decisions, preparation for the future, and of learning to forge my own path. I’m a little nervous for what 2025 has in store, to be honest, as I’m not conditioned to believe that life likes to keep throwing good luck my way. Either way though, I’ll be better equipped than I was 12 months ago, if even just a little bit. I think that’s important, and in my book, I think that means I’m doing pretty ok.