✴ 2/16/2025 - future fears
Hi again dear reader!
It's been a minute. Life gets busy, especially recently. Just checked my site for the first time in a while... boy, it's ugly, isn't it? It probably will always be a little ugly, but maybe sometime soon I can try to change some things around. Those buttons on the index page are not as endearing as I seemed to think they were a month ago, lol.
Anyway.
Things have been... not too great lately, to be honest. I'm moving several states away in a few months, which is not something I have had time to prepare for. It's all hitting me at once, and I feel like I don't want to burden my friends with my anxieties, hence the more personal blogpost here. I have uprooted my life once before, and I lost almost everyone who I previously had a relationship with. I worry that will happen again. Part of me wants to start spending as much time as possible with those I love right now, but with school and full-time work, I barely have time at all.
So, I've been feeling pretty alone. I met someone last year who I've really grown to like; lately I've started to admit to myself that I may be in love with them. But now I'm moving, and so although I think they feel the same about me, I can't really do anything about it. I'm trying not to feel heartbroken over something that will never happen, but it does make me really sad.
School is another anxiety as well. I finally have gotten my shit together and gone back to college, only suddenly to have to stop after two semesters. Life often does feel like a step forward followed by three steps back. I know I just have to have faith that things will work themselves out, but it will be such a big change that it's genuinely so difficult to see what my future might look like now. I'm trying to just visualize it as a new adventure, but my fears remain.
The river in twain
shattered, broken, she has split
only does it live
within eyes of illusion
all roads upon it have gone.
I guess that's all for this post; really, it's just a vent I'm putting here instead of pesterering people about it. I know my friends care about me, but the ones who truly understand have enough anxieties and worries right now. No matter what, I know things will be alright somehow. If there's anything I've learned about myself, it's that I will never stop persisting. I'm really stubborn like that - I've gone through too much in life to just mope around and give up.
here's to 2025, whatever it will bring to me - I have no idea what to expect.